"Asimio La Oserati" and the Kind of Visitors a Dog Must Bite: Cynthia Nyar Jogina by Amiso Thwango

Amiso Thwango may be unknown to many but you may have danced to one of his biggest hits. Like many (upcoming Ohangla artists), he may just be a victim of the sudden rise in the consumption of Ohangla music that has seen hundreds of names, some you are yet to listen to or may never, rush to the studio with mics in hand ready to venture into the genre. 

It appears Ohangla has become the easiest way to start a music career but still, it is clearly not for everyone. A few who have the "natural gift" and just the right creative instinct have risen above the crowd and have become household names. The world now is talking about Odongo Swagg, he of the Chwade gi Nyundo or Nyambita fame. But just before Odongo stole the show, it was Amiso Thwango that was on the lips of many. 

Now, it is Amiso Thwango who composed and rendered some of the most controversial lines in praise of his girlfriend, Cynthia Akoth Nyar Jogina. In Cynthia Thwango, Amiso praises the beauty of his wife in an amusing style. He admits at the very beginning that he is not sure exactly how he should sing for her. 

Aweri nade yuor Omollo, in ema imora gi love

But how should I sing about you sister-in-law to Omollo? For it is you who showers me with love.

Aweri nade yuor Ojuka, in ema imora gi twech

How do I (begin to) sing about you sister-in-law to Ojuka? For it is you who kills me with fashion.

 

The Luo Ladies' and Men's Battles Open Battles on Social Media

But in the age of social media, Amiso has an idea of how to celebrate the love of his life. He decides that he will post her photo on WhatsApp and Facebook for Jopiny (Fans) to golo maoni (to comment or air their opinions). Amiso will soon learn that social media is both warm and cold. There are those who endorse the beauty of Cynthia. They are saying that she looks like a Kamba lady. Others are disagreeing saying that she looks like Nyar Okuyu. 

Now, among the Luo, there is a general agreement or belief that women from Kamba and Kikuyu communities, in their pale skins and sometimes petit but well-curved shapes, are beautiful or more beautiful than their own. There has been many heated debates on this with a generalization that most Luo successful men (of this time) are going for Kamba, Kikuyu and Taita women.

Many things have come up. There are those who have based it on the newfound aggressive, annoyingly competitive and non-loyal personalities of Luo ladies, a trait they claim to be unmarriageable. Some have blamed it on the rise of Ohangla culture where Luo ladies are accused of "having Ohangla live performance timetables" and while at it, have transformed into guzzlers of all manner of alcoholic drinks. 

Worse, they have crowned it with what has now become famously known as "Asimio La Oserati" (the Quest for Adultery and Fornication or Wuok Oko ne Aole kod Chode). These people have some handful evidence to it. They have quite a list of Luo men who have followed this trend. I will not mention them here. At least for now. 

The Luo ladies, in their defense, have blamed Luo men of today for chasing color, skin texture and not "beauty of the heart" which, they believe, is still available in them. They have also claimed that there are no Luo men to marry because they (Luo men) have also come out to be strong members of the Asimio La Oserati. "But who are we dancing with in those platforms?" They ask. 

But perhaps one of their most afflicting defense is on what they claim to be a lazy generation that has not worked hard enough to be rich, or wealthy. That most Luo men looking for love, for marriage, are only inviting them for the old "let's-build-from-scratch" arrangement. That the men claim that Luo ladies do not know how to conserve wealth, are wasteful, but in reality, most of the Luo men have nothing to be conserved in the first place.  

I don't know where the truth lies and so I will get back to Thwango's experience. 

So when the two groups of people endorsing Cynthia’s beauty are only disagreeing on where the beauty has come from, not whether she is beautiful or not. Some are outrageous and do not think Cynthia is any of those. 

For Cynthia's light skin texture and color, they believe that may be Cynthia is from Europe,Nyar Ulaya- a mzungu. Amiso takes note of all these with a light head and he, for once, even asks himself if it could be that he has married a white. 

To koso anyuomo Nyar Ulaya? Jahera ma Nyar Jogina

Could it be that I have married a European?

But he does not do the mistake of completely dissociating Cynthia's controversial beauty from its real source. Cynthia is from Gina. She is not Akamba. She is not Okuyu. She is not from Europe. That beauty is Nyar Jogina. Cythia is a Luo lady. 

And Amiso Thwango may just have won the debate for the Luo gels. 

Haters and Fans in Social Media 

But social media being what it is, Amiso also experiences the wrath of his haters. Those who have completely failed to notice Cynthia's beauty. Or if they have seen it, do not believe that it can be real. It has some mystery. They think Amiso has married a genie from the (Mombasa) coast. 

Jomoko wuoyo marach

Some people are talking bad

Jomoko neno marach

Some people are not just happy

Ni koso anyuomo jin ma Mombasa, ma ling'o dhano e bahari

Could it be that I have married a genie from (Coast of) Mombasa that sends people into the ocean

They could be right. Genies have been married before, or are believed to have been married before. I know a man from my village who went to the coast as a youth and only returned in a coffin, old and dead. People said he married a genie, a beautiful mysterious woman of the ocean. 

They were said (or are still said) to capture men in ways unknown to them. And once you are gone, you never come back. You will never know about your people.  Children born after you will grow, marry wives, build homes and become leaders of burial committees before you even purchase a radio. Your world will be their world. 

This is why Amiso, before changing the rhythm of the song, invites Cynthia to come live with him at home to dispel the rumor and confirm that she is indeed, human, beautiful and has chosen to no one else but Amiso!

Bi dag dala yuor omera, Akoth i-confirm 

Come and stay home sister-in-law to my brothers, so you can confirm (to them) Akoth

The Ladies Who Should not Make it to the Theatre 

It is on other side of the rhythm, a more danceable part, that Amiso loads all his wisdom of youth on matters love and relationship. Somehow, Amiso appreciates that it is a new age in relationships and Asimio La Oserati could be winning over faithfulness and decency. 

But his main view is that if you must cheat on someone- and for Amiso it is the beautiful and elegant wife he has in Cynthia-then the "cheatie" must be of a different quality, a better quality. 

Cynthia is different, is cut from a whole different material. Amiso believes that those who are chiding him or the girls who are rejecting him are doing so, because they have not seen him walk with Nyar Jogina. 

Again, Amiso also appreciates that not all "these people" you will cheat with are not choices you will consciously make. Some you will only try like this, and are hooked. Some will be way below what you wanted. Some too, because of social media fake bleaching and make-up beauty which Amiso describes as wiro mo, will fall below your expectations. And that is why Amiso has some of the most outrageous prayers for such visitors. 

That: 

Nitiere nyako ma ka biro limi to kata gari onego kethre

There are some kind of lady who, if she must come to visit you, it is better the vehicle she is traveling in to break down (so she does not reach you). 

Nitiere nyako ma ka ikawo inyuomo to kata chiegi nyaka chayi 

There is some kind of lady that if you take for a second wife, even your (first) wife will be ashamed of you. 

Nitiere nyako ma ka ikawo inyuomo to kata minu nyaka tamre

There is some kind of lady that if you marry, even your mother will have to reject. 

Nitiere nyako ma kabiro koru, to kata guok onego kaye

That there is some kind of lady that if she must come to visit you, may a dog bite her

Nitiere nyako ma ka ibedo godo to kata chief onego chwadu 

That there is some kind of lady that if you happen to date, even the chief should flog you

Nitiere nyako ma kitero e theatre, to kata pala onego tamre 

That there is some kind of lady that if you take to the theatre, even the knife should fail (you)

Nitiere nyako ma ka imiel godo to kata thum onego kethre 

That there is some kind of lady that if you have do dance with, the system sound system better fail

But none of these should happen to beautiful girls like Cynthia. Amiso elevates his choice in Cynthia but contrasting just how differently he will treat her in any of these extraordinary prayers. Or how situations will change if it is Cynthia. 

For Cynthia; 

The vehicle, the PSV, will not have to break because he will hire for her an Uber. 

His first wife did not have to be ashamed, Aoko (the first wife) welcomed her in peace as a co-wife. 

Her mother did not reject, she (Nyar Asumbi) was happy with his choice.

The chief will not have to flog them, in fact, Chiefs like Ayieko even accompanied them. 

The dog will be tied, or kept in the kennel the whole day.

The knife should not try to fail, the knife should be sharper (he prays). 

And for Cynthia, may his music never fail! 

Because when love has entered you, your head, you will not know what to do!